im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I fill condoms, not promises.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
