dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
