What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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