My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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