I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I deserve this hangover.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
