omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
