I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
