Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
