Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
