I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
