ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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