i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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