Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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