they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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