I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
