Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
