He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
