Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I did not marry a roomba.
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