Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great