This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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