Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
