if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
