I think I died a long time ago.
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
People in love make me want to vomit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.