Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.