Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.