Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
