I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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