He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
