I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
