If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize