Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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