and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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