the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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