wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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