hotel room ftw
I hate your face
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
