I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
