Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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