was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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