I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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