operation harelip BJ is a go
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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