eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
