you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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