chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
