Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
this is an emotional support booty call
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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