why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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