too bad you live with your parents still
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
