HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
