he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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