i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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