Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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