Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
