Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
