You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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