Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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