some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
