RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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