loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
