you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
