You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
