she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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