i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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