just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
