the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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