if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
