Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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