She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
