If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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