that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
