I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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