This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
