I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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