I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Pooping to opera.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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