Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
